


Little Poet

by LarryInPanties



Category: Larry Stylinson - Fandom, One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Bottom Louis, BoyxBoy, Fluff, Harry Styles - Freeform, Louis Tomlinson - Freeform, M/M, Past Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Poetry, Sadness, Top Harry, harry is not abusive Louis’ past was, larry stylinson - Freeform, one direction - Freeform, rupi kaur, tears may be shed, the sun and her flowers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-12
Updated: 2019-02-10
Packaged: 2019-07-29 18:03:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16269497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LarryInPanties/pseuds/LarryInPanties
Summary: Dedicated to my darling friend, Jasmine. Happy one year anniversary."Sitting next to you is like taking a sip of eternity, the sun, the stars, the sky never tasted so good.""Pardon me?""Oh, um I-I like being near y-you."ORLouis best expresses himself through reciting poetry.To Harry, he is breath taking.





	1. Warnings

**Author's Note:**

  * For [larryent](https://archiveofourown.org/users/larryent/gifts).



> Dedicated to the love of my life, @larryent ! It's our 1 year anniversary of talking to each other, so this is her gift xx

Warnings:  
• top Harry  
• bottom Louis  
• mentions of past abuse (warning provided)  
• possible drug and alcohol use  
• introvert Louis  
• extrovert Harry 

My inspiration for this story is from the poetry book called 'the sun and her flowers' by Rupi Kaur. 

There are five sections in the book; wilting, falling, rooting, rising, blossoming. For each section in the book, I will pick two of my favourite poems and incorporate it in a chapter. 

ATTENTION - THIS IS A SHORT STORY BOOK. This also means that most chapters won't be a continuation of each other.


	2. 1. Wilting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dedicated to my darling friend, Jasmine. Happy one year anniversary. 
> 
> "Sitting next to you is like taking a sip of eternity, the sun, the stars, the sky never tasted so good."
> 
> "Pardon me?" 
> 
> "Oh, um I-I like being near y-you." 
> 
> OR 
> 
> Louis best expresses himself through reciting poetry. 
> 
> To Harry, he is breath taking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pg 30-33. I might change certain words in the poem so plz don't hate me.
> 
> Okay this might be a little bit confusing but he’s talking about a session he had with his therapist. Most of Louis’ speaking is part of the poem. 
> 
> To my love, larryent 
> 
> ⚠️warning⚠️ mentions of unhealthy relationships and emotional and physical abuse.

Storms - something Louis was not a big fan of. They brought back memories. Memories of an unhealthy relationship that caused years of emotional and physical trauma.

"Tell me a story." Harry said to Louis as he held him close to his body. 

Harry knew when Louis needed him. He's been through his bad episodes. He knew what Louis got like when he was alone during storms. That's why Harry was there with him right now - making sure the bad didn't turn into the worse. 

The small boy looked up at Harry, "About what?" 

Harry shrugged, "I don't know. A memory that stands out to you."

Louis thought for a moment, "Okay, this story is called what love looks like."

Even though Louis spoke from Harry's chest, his words were as clear as day. The underlying pain that emoted from them was evident and caused Harry's heart to clench in his chest. 

"What does love look like? The therapist asks, one week after the breakup. And I'm not sure how to answer her question, except for the fact that I thought loved looked so much like him." Louis started off his story cautiously, as if he spoke to quickly, he would fall apart. 

Louis played with a loose thread on the t-shirt Harry was wearing. "That's when it hit me, and I realized how naive I had been to place an idea so beautiful on the image of a person - as if anybody on this entire earth could encompass all love represented." Harry rubbed the petite boy's back. The curly haired boy didn't stop him though, he knew Louis needed to tell this part of him. 

Louis spoke with distaste, "As if this emotion, seven billion people tremble for would look like a five foot eleven, medium-sized brown-skinned guy who likes eating frozen pizza for breakfast." Louis quickly went to another topic, "What does love look like the therapist asks again, this time interrupting my thoughts midsentence, and at this point, I'm about to get up and walk right out the door." 

Louis paused, "Except I paid far too much money for this hour. So instead I take a piercing look at her, the way you look at someone when you're about to hand it to them -  lips pursed tightly, preparing to launch into conversation. Eyes digging deeply into theirs - searching for all the weak spots they have hidden somewhere." 

Harry grabbed at the hands Louis had clenched in his shirt. He gently rubbed his thumb over the smaller pair of knuckles. 

"As if you have to physically prepare for a conversation on the philosophies or rather disappointments of what love looks like."  
Louis sat up and faced Harry - still holding hands. "Well I tell her, I don't think love is him anymore. If love was him, he would be here wouldn't he?" Louis' breath started to become heavier, "If he was the one for me, wouldn't he be the one sitting across from me?"

Harry wrapped a hand around the side of the distressed boy's throat, "Deep breaths, little love. Accept the air that is presented to you."

Louis placed both of his hands on the one that laid upon his throat. Harry was the epitome of calmness and that's exactly what the small boy needed sometimes. He needed someone to keep him grounded like this - to bring him back down to earth when he's caught in his own thoughts.

Once Louis was somewhat calm, he began speaking again, "If love was him, it would have been simple. I don't think love is him anymore i repeat. I think love never was. I think I just wanted something and was ready to give myself to something I believed was bigger than myself."

Harry saw the emptiness in his eyes when he spoke about this. This relationship ripped his heart out and left him hallow - carved out by a knife called abuse. 

Louis stared off into space, "And when I saw someone who could probably fit the part, I made it very much my intention to make him my counterpart." 

Harry whispered, "And what void were you trying to fill?" 

Louis took a moment to answer - not because he had to think of what to say, but because he was scared to admit it, "Loneliness." 

Louis looked up to the curly haired boy with watery eyes, "And I lost myself to him. He took and he took - wrapped me in the word special, until I was so convinced he had eyes only to see me, hands only to feel me and a body only to be with me." Louis breathed, "And do you know what I did?" 

"No." Harry said in a quiet manner, like he didn't want to know the answer.

"I let him use me, I let him and oh how he emptied me." 

Harry placed a hand over Louis' heart, as to say he'll always be in it.

"How does that make you feel? Interrupts the therapist. Well, I said. It kind of makes me feel like shit, I remembered saying to her." Louis let out breathy laugh. 

Louis perked up while making eye contact with Harry - like he had an epiphany, "Maybe we're all looking at it wrong. We think it's something to search for out there, something meant to crash into us on our way out of an elevator, or slip into our chair at a cafe somewhere, appear at the end of an aisle at the bookstore, looking the right amount of sexy and intellectual." Louis paused, "But I think love starts here." He pointed at Harry's heart with a loving stare.

The petite boy made large gestures with his hands, "Everything else is just desire and projection of all our wants, needs and fantasies. But those externalities could never work out if we didn't turn inward and learn how to love ourselves in order to love other people."

"Love does not look like a person. That's why I love you because of what you do for me. Love is our actions. Love is giving all we can even if it's just the bigger slice of cake." Louis looked at Harry like he was the only thing in the world. "Love is understanding." 

Harry smiled, "Love is you and all things that come with it." 

"The thing about love is that we have the power to hurt one another, but we are going to do everything in our power to make sure we don't." 

Harry held eye contact with Louis, "I would never hurt you." 

Louis gave a warm smile, "Although I appreciate that, you can never guarantee it, Haz. Just like I could hurt you too."

He continued, "Love is figuring out all the kind of sweetness we deserve, and when someone shows up..." Louis' mood turned sour again, "saying they will provide it as you do, but their actions seem to break you rather than build you - Love is knowing whom to choose."

"That's why I chose you." Harry stroked his thumb across Louis' cheek. 

Louis took a moment to admire Harry. This man was everything he ever wanted in life. Someone to care for him and to love. Someone to show him how important he was. "No, that's why I chose you."


	3. 2. Wilting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dedicated to my darling friend, Jasmine. Happy one year anniversary. 
> 
> "Sitting next to you is like taking a sip of eternity, the sun, the stars, the sky never tasted so good."
> 
> "Pardon me?" 
> 
> "Oh, um I-I like being near y-you." 
> 
> OR 
> 
> Louis best expresses himself through reciting poetry. 
> 
> To Harry, he is breath taking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter xx

"Please leave a message after the beep" 

Beep

"Hey, Harry." Louis cleared his throat, "It's me, Louis." The petite boy let out a nervous laugh, "Well, obviously you know that."

Louis felt sweat collect at his hairline and at the bottom of his back due to a terrible nightmare he just woke up to. The nightmare was something he never wanted to think of again. 

It was currently 2am and Louis knew the curly haired male was still out with his friends. He was probably having a good time without him. Not probably - definitely, the small boy thought. 

•

"You should go."

Harry looked up from his phone, "Huh?"

The small boy smiled at the beauty of Harry. Even when he was doing nothing, he was ethereal. "You should go to the bar with Zayn, like he invited you to."

"He invited you too."

Louis sighed, "And you know those aren't my thing. Doesn't mean I should stop you from going though." 

"Maybe," Harry thought to himself.

"I'll be fine, don't worry."  

•

Those are the same exact words Louis kept repeating to himself as the minutes ticked by before he called Harry. 

"I just called to make sure you got there safe." Louis' voice cracked, "Or if you're having fun - if you're still there."

•

"Call me if you need anything," Harry pleaded.

"I will."

Harry gave a slight smile and kissed the smaller boy on the forehead. 

"I love you, you know that." Harry pressed his forehead to the small boy. He looked into those beautiful blue eyes and immediately fell in love again. 

Louis blushed and giggled, "Love you too, Haz." 

•

"I also wanted to say that I love you a lot." Louis sighed, as if he was waiting for Harry to magically answer back on the other line, "I'm going to go now, bye."

Five minutes later

"You'll be fine don't worry." 

Ten minutes later 

"Deep breaths, remember." 

Twenty minutes later

"Please leave a message after the beep."

Beep 

Louis swallowed thickly, "I'-I'm." The small boy aggressively wiped at his already red and teary eyes. "I'm sorry." 

Sometimes it was too hard for Louis to hold in his emotions. "I hate this feeling, Haz. I really do. I hate the fact that I have to burden you with it too." 

The sad boy was just saying word vomit at this point, "I'm sorry my trauma is a problem for both of us. I wish life was easier - no troubles or worries about my past. I wish he didn't fuck me over, but he did. I wish I didn't let him fuck me over, but I did." 

Louis struggled to form coherent sentences, "I just want a normal life, where my anxiety constantly doesn't feed off of my happiness and where my depression doesn't feed off my anxiety. The only thing that helps is you, but I don't want something that's temporary, it's not healthy."

All the small boy could think of was self-deprecating emotions and thoughts. He felt like he was not enough or did not deserve Harry at all. "You're too good for me. I want the best for you and the best is not me. But every time you say that you love me and I'm the only one for you, I finally start to believe you for one minute but then that's gone. How can myself, with all my problems, be what's best for you."

Louis crawled to the closet as he was still speaking to Harry's voicemail. "Right now I'm currently crawling to our closet to get one of your sweaters." The small boy let out a wet laugh, "How pathetic is that?"

The petite boy grabbed the sweater off the hanger and curled up into a ball in the corner of the closet. "Grabbed your lavender one. It always smells the most like you and it's my favourite. If we ever somehow break up in the future, please leave me this sweater." Louis giggled - already feeling slightly better.

Louis huffed, his breathing starting to even out a little bit more, "I don't mean to be selfish, but I wish I was with you right now." Louis smiled sadly, "You're honestly the best thing that has ever happened to me-"

Beep. "Inbox of the person you are calling is currently full. Please try again later." 

Louis dropped his phone down and leaned back against the wall. The small boy sighed to himself, "Wasn't meant to be, I guess."

And that is how Louis finally fell asleep, with the thought of Harry on his mind while his tear tracks dried.

Fifteen minutes later is when harry finally arrived back home. The curly haired boy made sure not to drink much alcohol because he really did not feel like waking up with a hangover the next morning.

Harry walked further into his house, making sure to lock the door behind him. He remember to stay extra quiet when walking up the stairs towards the bedroom, despite the decently loud creaking coming from certain steps. 

Harry was surprised when he did not see his lovely boyfriend in bed like he expected. He immediately became concerned, "Baby?"

Harry made sure to check the bathroom but there was no one in there. He stopped in his tracks as he was about to leave the room. The tall boy could hear the sounds of soft breathing coming from their closet. He peeked in and cooed when he saw his tiny boyfriend curled up in a ball with his sweater on. A frown rose upon his face when he saw the dried up tears on his face and blotchy skin.

Harry slowly crouched down to Louis and carefully picked him up to take him into bed. The smaller boy started to stir awake when he felt a shift in movement. He became more awake when he was placed on the soft bed - a bigger difference than the uncomfortable floor.

"Haz?" Louis questioned in a sleepy tone.

Harry smiled as he ran his thumb down Louis' cheek, "Hi, darling. What were you doing in the closet?" He asked with a concerned look on his face.

The petite boy started to fiddle with his hands, "Was just a bad night for me again and I wanted to feel close to you." Louis pouted at the thought of what happened early, "Was sad."

Harry frowned, not liking the aspect of his boyfriend being sad - especially alone, "I'm sorry, baby. My phone died a little bit ago so if you called, I didn't get it."

"It's okay, Haz. Nothing important really - just seeing how you were doing."

Harry smiled slightly, still not accepting what Louis was saying - he would talk to him more in the morning about it. He quickly got changed in pajamas. He cuddled up to the small boy and planted a soft kiss on his forehead, his nose, then his lips. Louis giggled - he adored Harry's kisses so much.

When they finally closed their eyes to go to sleep, Louis mumbled out, knowing Harry was awake, "In order to fall asleep, I have to imagine your body crooked behind mine - spoon ladled into spoon, till I can hear your breath. I have to recite your name till you answer and we have a conversation. Only then, can my mind drift off to sleep." 

Harry breathes in a soft breath, knowing what Louis wanted was no reply. He just wanted to say his thoughts aloud with no extra comments needed. 

That is how both of them fell asleep, minds filled with concern, love, and poetry.


End file.
